Extra, Extra

A mixed scent of alcohol and chewing tobacco filled the air around home plate as our softball team defeated Morgantown Moose in the first playoff game of the fall season. Playing catcher, I got to directly roam around our umpire's personal spittoon as he encroached on my personal space. Next time I am bringing a hula hoop to teach this invaluable social skill. Many runs were scored by our team, contradicting the words of the less than endearing eight year old (estimate) cheerers for the MM team. Though only two in number, their relentless, cacophonous acclamations resonated such that every fielder on our team (and most likely the players in the adjacent field) could hear them with a clarity that sounded like many more. These adversities were overcome, the game was won, Excelsior!

New SUPER Wal Mart!

I finally got to take a trip to the new Wal-Mart Supercenter right next to my apartment! The excitement of having this extravagent store this close to our vicinity is quite moving.

Only minutes from my apartment
Bringing song into my heart
The world’s largest retailer
Brings a new Super Wal-Mart

If you have a proclivity for cheer
Greeters welcome you with a smile
The large selection of merchandise
Attracts, enamors, beguiles

Electronics, toys, and apparel
Jewelry and entertainment to the extreme
For finding what you need and want
The Wal-Mart Super Center is supreme

Get pictures developed at the photo center
Get prescriptions filled with success
Your eye needs can be met at the optical center
Check out the Tire and Lube Express

Now with overwhelming convenience
When in need of a small or large scale shopping spree
The place where they rollback the prices
Wal-Mart is where I’ll be

Friends Don't Let Friends Do Drugs!

My friends at work have noticed my intriguement with drugs. Thanks to my coworker for the spectacular red ribbon stating that he’s pulling for me to not do drugs! Now next time I contemplate delving, I will stop and think.

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And in honor of Red Ribbon Week, A 4-H yell blast from the past:

(The best Delaware tribe yell ever!!!!!)

Be yourself, not an elf!

Don't do drugs or anything else!

Paul in A Suit!?!?!?!

This weekend I saw Paul in a suit
The shock almost struck me quite mute
For as he will confess
He’s usually one to underdress
And that confession no friend would refute

My Weekend

Just in case anyone out there who knows me doesn't realize this, my idea of a good time does not involve an 8 hour drive in traffic, a keg and a bunch of intoxicated strangers. That pretty much summed up my weekend. What was supposed to be a fun time with a friend went sour Sat night. Drunk strangers for five hours. Oh yeah, don't forget the married guy who kept admiring my "beautiful eyes" and hugging me and addressing me with profanity because I told him to get off me. Don't worry. I kicked him. So yeah, next time I may reconsider and sit this one out. On a positive note, my vacation week is over and I'm back to work on Monday to my normal, boring uneventful life.

Friday's John Vaughnism's

After a bye guitar week last week, the advice just rolled in during this week's lesson. Advice and sage words of wisdom..

1. "If I can memorize, boiled cabbage can memorize."

2. "You need to do something nonconstructive every now and then."

3. "I want to learn Swedish and cash in on their welfare system. They have a great Gross National Product there. "

4. In trying to learn a scale backwards, I attempt to practice saying the alphabet backwards (GFEDCBA repeat). Mr. Vaughn advised, "You should put on a funny hat and strange clothes and walk down the street doing that."

PreSchool Eval

Once a month we have a day filled with preschool evaluations. This month, we had a particularly uncontrollable (yet oddly enjoyable) child. At 5 years of age, this child was probably about 75 pounds and very hard to catch. My quote to him as he was trying to throw the flags down as fast as he could after he had taken a plaque off the wall and tried to wing it, wrote with force all over the table, tried to stick things in an electrical outlet, and flung a tennis ball at me:
“You can’t let the flag touch the ground. It’s disrespectful to our country.”
Oh yes, I think it definitely resonated…

Yet Another Ode To Brenda

My Aunt Brenda, I extol

She made me a pumpkin roll

Cream cheese filling, perfect spice

Eating this treat sure was nice

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Her skills in the kitchen do abound

Every tidbit, quite profound

This fall dessert did so amaze

One can't help but sing her praise

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Take the Pumpkin Quiz!!!

1. Which Peanuts character had an unshakable faith in the Great Pumpkin?

a) Lucy b) Peppermint Patty c) Linus d) Snoopy

2. What 2 calamities were pumpkins once recommended for?

a) removing freckles b) unrequited love c) curing snake bites d) decreasing a fever

3. What is the inside of a pumpkin called?

a) Brain b) Ribs c) Cavity d) The Lid

4. Pumpkins belong to the curcurbita family of plants. Which of these other plants is NOT included in that family?

a) squash b) polyunsaturated sunflower seeds c) watermelon d) cucumbers

5. Which Disney move contains a pumkin chariot?

a) Cinderella b) Lion King c) Snow White d) Sleeping Beauty

A Trip Home

Quite a few exciting events transpired this weekend. First, Kelly's baby shower was a grand celebration full of fun games and extensive viewing of present unwrappping. Perhaps the most enjoyable activity was that of the guess the due date lotto. For just a dollar, friends and family could guess the arrival date of baby Carter. Whoever guesses correctly, wins the money. However, my Carter Clairvoyance will undoubtably continue and the other jokers have no chance at this.

The Frankfort girls soccer team lost their final regular season game to Northern 2-0. Although their reign of terror has ended, their 11-4 season record was not too shabby. They are gearing up for regionals and are sure to defeat their competition with the strong coaching skills of Bob Mielecki. Diana's quote on the season: "If you calculated the amount your dad makes per minute coaching soccer, it would be minus 5 cents. "

Here, Stacy, the cat lover, poses with her buddy, Sandy, and the parents' new cat. The new cat was dumped off at the house, inspiring its' name, Dumpkin, to rhyme with the parents' other cat Pumpkin.

Reward for Outstanding Dental Checkup

To celebrate my perfect dental report
Devoid of flossing lectures or how to videos
I made a stop at the best store on earth
To my number one place to go

Informally known as the Fruit Bowl
Home of a glorious Candyland
Chocolate, gummies, and so much more
An awe filled reverence these options command

More choices than you can imagine
A candy lovers dream
Footies and Snickers and obscure Inside Outs
The surfeit selection is supreme

No paucity of sugar will you have
As you leave this place
Instead, a bag of candy filled to the brim
Will accompany the smile on your face

It isn’t hard to find an excuse
To make this joy filled stop for your soul
When in the neighborhood of this fine store
I endorse the Hill Top Fruit Bowl!

Staples Order Is In!

The best thing about a new work year is the glorious day we get our supplies from the Staples catalogue. Each year we get to look through the illustrious Staples catalogue filled with a multitude of supplies and request an order. Ever since my first year, when I asked for an office enhancer (map of the US) and testing rewards (candy), and my dreams were squelched with the denial of these items, I have tried to push the envelope in finding out just how unnecessary an item is before the request for it is denied. Last year, I managed to get big bright blue envelopes, multicolored Sharpies, and Lysol sanitizing wipes. This year, I requested and received 160 dollars worth of supplies including pencils, pens, an intricate and elaborate post it dispenser, composition notebooks, markers, 1000 lovely paperclips, and more colorful sharpies. It was comparable to Christmas when I came in and found my kaleidoscopic pile of supplies! And if that wasn’t enough to make me burst into gleeful shouts and dance, under the pile was a memo stating that this month’s staff meeting was cancelled. And no monetary value can be put on that. Clearly, one of the best days ever!

Zoozilla Run

Looking for a distinct and adventurous race to complete

A salubrious activity to do

I chose the Zoozilla 5K Run

At the Pittsburgh Zoo

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I commandeered Stacy to run with me

Not always an easy feat

As after each race she finishes

She promises never to repeat

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For someone who has complained in the past

About my zealous race conversation

She jabbered as the race began

(Most likely) unable to contain her jubilation

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She sang a rendition of Gonna Fly Now

For some Rocky inspiration

To elevate us up almost Mufasa like hills

As we passed animals for the race’s duration

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We finished with a time of 28:44

Not too bad, though we’re not braggin’

We then got to go and explore the zoo

Where we saw a real komodo dragon!

A Zenith in My School Psych Career

Today I met Sattler, the legend
The professional equivalent to meeting Jesus in heaven
He signed a copy of his book
And at my camera he looked
The hours he dispensed knowledge numbered seven

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This meeting inspired a coworker and I to come up with the idea to create a fantasy school psychologist league, in which psychologists would be drafted and receive points for getting published, serving as an expert witness, speaking at conferences, serving as an officer in the state association, inventing statistical formulas, and eating like komodo dragons (well, maybe no points for that one but we certainly know a psychologist who could get alot of points for this)... Instead of drafting a defense, you could choose a test publishing company. Negative points would be given for ethical violations. I might find more success in this league than fantasy football as my team is now in last place.

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Take the komodo dragon quiz:

1. Komodo dragon's eat up to what % of their body weight?

2. Name two animals that adult komodo dragons prey on?

3. In what nation can you find the komodo dragon? (Hint: It is bordered by the nation that Derek Zoolander was brainwashed into assassinating its' prime minister)

4. After about how long do komodo dragon eggs hatch?

5. What is the top ground speed of a komodo dragon?

Anticipation of The Great One

“The wizard? But nobody can see the great Oz, nobody's *ever* seen the great Oz...”

For our school psych conference this year, we are immensely blessed to have Jerome Sattler as a presenter. Jerome Sattler might be thought of as the master of school psychology, authoring numerous books and co-authoring a very popular intelligence test (though now in it’s Fifth Edition), the Stanford Binet: Fourth Edition. His thick books were required reading in grad school and inspired the question that my roommate plans to ask, “So when are you going to hook up with Cliffs notes?” Upon finding out the fantastic news of Sattler’s speaking engagement and in anticipation of this momentous occasion, I placed his picture on my office wall, with the inscription W.W.J.D. (What Would Jerome Sattler Do). In the face of mindless or arduous comments or situations in the job field, I wanted to keep in mind exactly what might Sattler do. I have been keeping track of these quotes and situations under his picture. Finally, the time to actually meet him draws near. In less than 24 hours, we get to meet the wonderful wizard of school psych.

Soakum Festival

This weekend I successfully made it to Parkersburg and back without being trapped behind any wrecks or viewing our states' esteemed capital city. Stacy and I went to the Soakum Festival in Noble County, Ohio. Despite the rainy weather, people were out in droves to celebrate frontier life in the early 1800’s. Activities included crafts, hymn and folk singing, and fiddling contests. However, true to Jacqueline’s motto, Stacy and I were basically only there for the food. Here Stacy is posed beside her favorite booth, one of many cookie booths. She did decrease her spending here from last year's 20 dollar high. Other food of interest included chicken noodles and caramel popcorn.Stacy and I also went to see the movie, School for Scoundrels, which received five golden rings, borrowing from Timmy, the King’s, rating system. That sure beats the two turtle doves given to The Last Kiss. Two turtle doves is generously given to The Last Kiss due to the fact that I was previously persuaded into viewing a worse movie, Step It Up, which would receive only a partridge in a pear tree.