My Football Team Is Good! HUH!

Despite my enthusiasm for other sports, my enjoyment of football has been fairly weak in the past. One year, I came pretty close to football enjoyment when I participated in my friend’s pickem contest for WVU. I happened to win the contest by choosing the same score each time and by being one of the only people to choose the opposing team as a winner due to a low loyalty factor that a lack of care provides. I still have not obtained my desired reward for this, a certificate declaring me football guru. This year, I have been talked into participating in a fantasy football league. I had to come up with some gimmick in order to get me interested. I really wanted to identify with my guys so that I could cheer them on. I tried looking up NFL players with interests similar to mine. This proved to be difficult. I could not come up with a single guitar player among them. I realized I needed a paradigm shift and switched to finding guys with some sort of criminal behavior. Whether it be drug use, domestic disputes, or DUI’s, these were the guys for me. My picks will have tempestous pasts and be interesting to watch. Our draft is this weekend and I am actually excited for a football activity. Here are some of my picks, along with their previous offenses. You couldn’t find a nicer bunch of guys...at least no one will accuse them of being boring.

Chris Henry, problematic since his days at WVU where he exhibited unsportsmanlike conduct. In December 2005, he was pulled over for speeding and marijuana was found in his shoes. He was driving a without valid license and without insurance. In January 2006, Chris was arrested for multiple gun charges. He is also being investigated in connection with a sex crime. In June 2006, he was arrested on DUI charge.

Reuben Droughns, harassment and assault charges. He is accused of throwing his wife to the ground and onto a bed before throwing her outside and locking the door. He was also acquitted of charges of drunken driving.

Sebastian Janikowski, bar fight in 1998, breaking curfew in 1999, arrested at a night club in 2000 at which time he tried to bribe the arresting officer. Just 8 days after he was acquitted from this charge, he was arrested on suspicion of possession of the designer drug GHB. In January 2002, he was charged with DUI and less than a year later, he was arrested after a fight.

Larry Johnson, assault incident in 2003 where he was accused of slapping a woman and threatening her with a gun, domestic abuse assault September 2005.

Jamal Lewis, charged with shoplifting from a Macy's department store in high school. In 2001, he was suspended four games for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy and was charged with attempting to distribute cocaine in 2004.

Terrell Owens, while playing for the 49ers, feuds with teammates and coach, controversial statements, suspended for conduct detrimental to team

Randy Moss, took part in a racially-charged fight at his high school that left one person hospitalized in 1995, tested positive for smoking marijuana in 1996, suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and marijuana possession in 2002, fined 10,000 dollars for unsportsmanlike behavior after mooning fans in 2004.

Diana Mielecki: Protégée of 50 Cent

Can you spot the differences between these two rappers????
Here is mom's introduction to her new classes, based on In Da Club.

Go, Go, Go, Go
Go, Go, Go, Mrs. Mielecki
It's your birthday
We gonna study like it's yo birthday
You gonna skip being tardy cause it's yo birthday
You do your work, you'll have good luck
It's not your birthday

You'll find me with the staff
Thermos of decaff
Look mami, I got the Poe if you're into literature
I'm not into hearing sass, I just want you all to pass
So come to my class, your knowledge will surpass

When I pull out up front, you see the vibe in the lot
When I roll 10 deep, in this orange ride I got (uh huh)
Kids heard I work with Nichols
Can't believe the stuff we've taught
In the class, we will model, say Mielecki "You Rock"
Teamwork, grammer, and writing, you'll learn in this block
You'll be focused man, English on the mind
Your skills they will florish, become refined
Now class, say you're feeling the style, you're feeling the flow
You wanna grab your books and you're ready to go

You'll find me in the staff, thermos of decaff
Look mami, I got the Poe if you're into literature
I'm not into hearing sass, I just want you all to pass
so come to my class, your knowledge will surpass

Go, Go, Go, Go...

Ode To Brenda
So this is pretty much my first attempt at a limerick. It seemed to be challenging in coming up with words that rhymed with Wimer. Thus, the slight deviation. Aunt Brenda hit the timing right with these cookies! I was stopping at grandma's house to run errands before my journey back to Morgantown. It's hard to find a better breakfast than this. And the Thinking of You came at just the right time.

I once tasted chocolate chip cookies made by Momma Wimer

I thought nothing could ever taste finer

But then Brenda my aunt

Made me recant
With Molasses Crinkles that made others seem minor

Take the Cookie Trivia Challenge:

1. From which language does the word cookie originate?

2. In what year were the first chocolate chip cookies invented?

3. Which famous baker, for whom Jess is nicknamed, made the chocolate chip cookie become known nationally when she used it in her radio series "Famous Foods From Famous Eating Places."
4. What three types of Girl Scout cookies are required to be unchanged every year? (supplemented by other kinds that vary)
5. In what state was the sugar cookie first perfected and shaped as its symbol?

DAIRY DIP
I finally got to take a trip to the Dairy Dip with Carrie this weekend. Sacrelige, it was the first of the summer...

In our picturesque home of Ft. Ashby
At the only stoplight in town
You’ll find a place near and dear to our hearts
That sells the best ice cream around

Dreamy, terrific, and splendid
Are adjectives that describe this place
And I pity the fool who stops there
And leaves without a smile on their face

It inspires many a peewee baseball player
Win or lose you take a trip
To our beloved spot in the center of town
The Evan’s Dairy Dip

With luck on the last day of school
Before heading home on Route 46
Bus drivers will stop their kids off for a treat
Cones, slushies, and milkshakes so thick

The smell of fries lets us know it’s summer
The scent of grease fills the air
It’s like a Siren song when you pass by
You want to partake and forget life’s cares

A blessing sent by God himself
And one for which we are quite gracious
Encountering the multitude of menu choices
It’s hard not to be edacious

I’ve tasted a lot of ice cream
But I never can forget
The standout that single handedly beats the rest
It’s Evan’s Dairy Dip

Call Me A Gamer…Review of the Nintendo DS Brain Age

At first I was appalled by my roommate's game that proposed I had a brain age of 80 (the worst you could possibly get) after presenting me with a single stroop test during which the machine had a hard time picking up my voice and I proceeded to scream "BLUE, BLUE, BLUE". A maleficient man, the Japanese neuroscientist Dr. Ryuta Kawashima, by whom the game was inspired, trash talked me with insults.

However, since that time I have been won over. The game suggests that it can strengthen your brain, particularly your prefrontal cortex, through many activities including math fluency problems, drawing pictures, and counting syllables. Dr. Kawashima provides stellar tips such as eating breakfast is good and communication with others is good. A tip that I happened to particularly aggree with was that while cell phones and email have made our life convenient, we must SEIZE every opportunity for direct conversation. The trash talker also suggests reading signs out loud that you encournter along life’s way. While this might be good for your prefrontal cortex, I can’t imagine it would strengthen your social life. In all seriousness, the activities are pretty entertaining and I have been successful in decreasing my brain age to 25, much closer to the ultimate best brain age of 20. Someday, Ryuta, someday...

I am currently poling for each person in our office to get a Nintendo DS with Brain Age game in order to aid us in becoming quicker and more efficient in our occupational duties. Surely, if our prefrontal cortex grows, our work will be enhanced by leaps and bounds. To which my boss replies, “Write a grant.”

Lost Again

After visiting Stacy, we traveled to Weston (via a very extended route) to enjoy lake sports and a wonderful dinner, hosted by our friend, Wimer and his parents.

There were plenty of signs: I doubtfully asked if we were on 50 and accepted that we were without question, Kayla marveled at the increased speed limit on the way back, and Jess silently wondered for a few seconds at the change of scenery. Sadly, these things didn’t give us enough pause. Nearing what should have been the end of our journey, we saw a sign leading toward Huntington and were by a city that looked an awful lot like Charleston. Wimer called Jess to note our progress. He suggested that we were in Charleston, but Jess proclaimed we were close to Clarksburg and just needed to turn around. After turning around, a sign from the bad place declared Clarksburg 118 miles, Weston 98 miles. We were definately in Charleston. Yes, we went to long way to see our esteemed capital city before heading to Weston. We made the best of it by singing Disney songs We jammed out to The Spectrum Song, Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Blue, Blue, Blue. This song is from Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color, which was an anthology series that began in 1954 with the name of "Disneyland". I was hoping to find and purchase the cartoon that this song was from but I sadly think it is impossible.

We finally arrived at the lake (12 hours later…). We did all sorts of water activities, of which I was pretty leery. Jess, Kayla, and Ashley were enthusiastic and excelled. Mad props to Allison for getting in the water and being less intimidated by the "extreme" water sports than I. After the fun, we had an unbelievably delicious meal, including steak, potatoes, corn on the cob, salad, and bread. We even got to eat cookie dough and taste what may rival as the best chocolate chip cookies in the universe. Aunts, be very afraid...

A Trip To Stacy's/Fun With The Video Camera

Sadly, our best footage of this trip is in video form. The picture actually took place at Tim Hortons, were we joyfully dined before church.

The cousins had a plan
To meet in Morgantown
We changed that plan to Parkersburg
When Stacy’s brakes wore down

Frustrated with the boring scenery on 50
A long road, everything the same
We tried to be good Pollyanna’s
By playing the glad game

It could be worse I said
In traffic from a wreck we could sit
And low and behold that’s where we were
Only minutes after I spoke it

After several big sighs
We had the ingenious thought
We had brought the video camera
Our trails in vain were not

We filmed the medavack
A boy with a skateboard getting 4 feet of air
We interviewed a Mountaineer Maniac
Who started Let’s Go Mountaineers as we got out of there

We finally arrived at Stacy’s
And ate a Red Lobster feast
She aided us with her discount
To which we could only say, “Sweet!”

We headed to City Park
Video camera in tow
We sang our songs on stage
While Stacy filmed the show

A message from our sponsors
Aquafina, apply only to your throat
In witty head on commercial fashion
Our slogan, it did go

Chasing me on their go carts
I ran from the city cops
“I aint had nothin’, I aint done nothin’
My quickness they couldn’t stop

A harmonica playing homeless ex Amish man
Was our next choice to interview
The police go cart rolled on up
Another concert did ensue

We laughed more than a little
Several acquaintances we did begin
Therefore, fun with the video camera
Will surely come again

Reasons To Visit Kelly and Kyle!

It was great to visit my sister and her husband in Norfolk, VA. Here are some of the main reasons:

1. Fazoli's and Sonic slushes-almost essential after an 100 degree day at the beach.
2. Kyle's tour of 26th street, a purported hot place to spot possible crack heads and see deals go down. Sadly, we missed seeing any deals this time. Here's hoping for next trip.
3. Feeling the baby give me five through Kelly's stomach. Sorry Stacy, I'm already the favorite aunt!
4. Home of the least efficient Blockbuster in America. (If anyone could ever know that.) Despite their positive customer service, this Blockbuster took way longer than necessary in aiding me with a card and checking out my video selection.
5. Quality TV time with Kyle. Kyle actually got me into watching Kyle XY. This story of a mysterious boy is suprisingly enthralling. Then, several episodes of the neuron increasing series COPS resulted in some new quotes. All I can say is, "We aint had nothin', we aint did nothin'. "


Test Your COPS knowledge: Answers to these questions and MORE!

What reggae group sings the “Bad Boys” theme song for COPS?

The crews for the show spend up to 400 total recording hours with officers, of which how many minutes are used for each episode?

The first episode of COPS aired in 1989. Where did this episode take place?

What book was published in 1999 by Hank Barr giving a behind the scenes look at the production and taping of COPS?

Name at least two TV shows that have parodied COPS?